Do you find yourself getting nagging feelings of jealousy when your partner is talking to other girls?
Do you worry that you’re smothering the relationship with your fears?
To stop being an overly-jealous girlfriend and start being a dream
girl, follow these instructions.
1. Give your partner space
If you’ve been dogging his footsteps, confronting him with
accusations, stalking his social media profiles, or exhibiting any other
desperate behavior, your first order of business is to back off. Take a
few deep breaths, detach, and play it cool for a while.
Find opportunities to be with friends, go to an event you’ve been
interested in, and turn him down for at least one get-together.
Be very careful not to act vindictive about this, the point isn’t to
punish him, give him the cold shoulder, or manipulate him into begging
for forgiveness, but to give the both of you a break so you can blow off
a little steam, get some perspective, and hopefully save the
relationship.
2. Learn to feel good about yourself
Most feelings of jealousy come from being insecure and thinking that
someone else can make your partner happier or bring more to the table.
Remember that your partner chose you, not anyone else.
Stop obsessing over your weight, height, or looks, your constant
negativity is draining for you and your partner both. Worse yet, an
overactive attitude of insecurity can drive people away, become a
self-fulfilling prophecy that drives you deeper into the hole of fear
and self-neglect.
Accept yourself as you are. Your partner is with you for a reason and
obviously finds you attractive, but even if he weren’t and didn’t, you
should never let anyone else’s opinion define or validate yours.
3. Deal with past hurts
Most people have them – and many let them spill over into new
relationships by either re-enacting the same unhealthy dynamic over and
over again or by looking at their wonderful new partners with a
skeptical eye.
If necessary, learn how to cope with emotional pain so that you can
feel better about yourself and be able to see your current relationship
for what it really is.
4. Learn what it means to have a healthy relationship
Whether you’re new to the game or have been at it for years, it’s not
always easy to know what a relationship is supposed to be and feel
like. Many people don’t grow up with good examples of healthy
relationships among their friends, family, or even parents.
What’s worse, having one awful relationship can completely throw off
your sense of balance and self-trust, making you second-guess your every
move for years to follow.
5. Reassess your current relationship
Once you’ve done some soul-searching and have a clearer perspective
on things, it’s time to look at your relationship with a fresh eye.
Do your jealousy, doubt, and fear stem from your own issues with
self-worth… or is that something you’ve been telling yourself to justify
your partner’s unsatisfactory behavior?
Even if you haven’t been as stable a girlfriend as you should be,
that doesn’t mean you should overlook or write off your partner’s
transgressions to over-correct for your own feelings of guilt.
It’s always possible that your out-of-control feelings were the
result of trying to suppress your own gut instincts – or, at the very
least, that you both have played a hand in making the relationship what
it is today.
6. Breathe new life into the relationship
Before you can do any in-depth work on yourself or as a couple, you
need to do damage control on your strained relationship. Start by
striking a healthy balance between giving your partner space and
increasing the quality of your time together.
Pursue your own interests in a meaningful, enriching way: after all,
part of what attracts people to one another is mystery, and if you spend
all your time checking in on your partner with calls, texts, emails,
and Facebook posts, there can hardly be any intrigue left in what you
do.
Split your time more evenly between your partner and your friends and
allow your partner to do the same. Rediscover your interest in a former
passion or, if necessary, find a new hobby that will make your
non-romantic time more meaningful.
Then, when you have both remembered what it’s like to miss one
another, improve your time together by going on a vacation or
staycation, trying something new like taking a partner dance class, or
lightening the mood by being playful and maintaining the romance.
7. Build your communication
This is something the two of you both need to work on together; many
relationship woes could be cured, if not avoided altogether, if couples
simply learned how to truly and effectively communicate with one
another. A big part of communicating effectively is knowing how to
broach an unpleasant topic without putting your partner on the defensive
(or, worse yet, the offensive).
Start by curbing your accusations: learn to state what you feel (ex.
“I feel afraid when you stay out late and don’t tell me where you are or
how long you’ll be there”) instead of what you fear (“I’m worried
you’re cheating on me”), which can be come off like a slap in the face.
Be honest about your thoughts and concerns while you’re having them
instead of stockpiling them for later and letting them explode one day
out of the blue.
8. Learn to trust
Trust issues can make you go crazy. Ask yourself who it is you really
mistrust: your partner, your partner’s friends… or yourself?
Coming to the realization that you still don’t trust yourself in love
or that you’re simply threatened by other girls is a good thing, both
stem from the same issue, can be worked on, and are totally within your
control. Learn how to trust your partner again for his and your sake
both.
He didn’t text you back? Big deal. Obsessing over things like this
will only come across as annoying; if you are laid back and don’t expect
instantaneous replies to everything, etc, he will not get irritated.
Don’t call him to see if he’s still there – take a deep breath and let it go. He will reply when he can.
Don’t ask him to stop going certain places. Part of jealousy is the
desire to control others, and by giving him freedom, you show that you
trust him and make him more likely to respect you.
Don’t write a blank check of trust. If you are genuinely concerned
about something, do not be afraid to (gently) broach the topic.
Mention that it makes you feel uncomfortable when he talks to certain
girls, or tell him honestly about a behavior he has that bothers you.
Don’t overreact or make accusations. Simply state how you feel and, if
he respects that, he will try to work it out.
If your partner simply isn’t trustworthy, it’s his turn to roll up
his sleeves and match some of the hard work you’ve been putting into the
relationship. If he can’t or won’t do it, dump him and start looking
for someone who will.
9. Be an awesome girlfriend
Okay, so you’ve managed to salvage the relationship and heal the
damage that has been done. Focus on being positive and making the
relationship work. The right type of relationship needs communication,
trust and prayer.
